Monster and Honey
by Mag8889
Summary: - THIS STORY IS A CONTINUATION OF "WINTER CALLS" - Bucky struggles with his past and new surroundings. How will he handle among new friends? His heart full of anger and Tony Stark not being his best friend... This... this is the bestest thing I wrote about Bucky so far :D Sorry for any errors... ;p
1. Monster and Honey

Steven was allowed to check out on bucky about 11 a.m.

His friend was lying, his upper body lifted at an angle, so he could watch the room easily. This made him calmer.

His eyes were dark-circled and his expression weary as on the night he was found in that bar. He didn't have any devices attached helipng him to breath anymore, so Capitan stopped worrying so much. Bucky was alive, this was all that mattered.

But a dead stare welcomed him again and his heart shivered. This wasn't an assassin ready to fight. Steven saw and for the first time fully relized the amount of damage done to Bucky's soul. The man was hollow.

He stood right there, a foot from the bed frame, just in case.

„How are you doing?" He asked without much enthusiasm.

The soldier moved his eyes slightly, as if he decided was it even worth to react.

„They gave me so much sedative, that I can't feel anymore." The reply was straight and almost emotionless.

Steve felt awful pain in his heart immediatelly. "I'm so sorry Bucky, but we couldn't let you hurt anyone... or yourself..."

„HYDRA kept me sedated for days if I... misbehaved." He said with a grudge... and something elese... a barely visible flash of agony on his face.

Steven treated that as a flicker of hope, a memory trail.

„Yeah, but they didn't give you a comfy bed and a friend to keep you company?" Started Steve again, this time with half-smirk and an eyeborw lift, however stupid that seemed.

A short pause.

„No..."

Bucky's eyes suddenly brightned up with pure confusion, he looked down and moved his body, as if testing the mattress.

„It is pretty comfy..." He said unsure.

Steve decided to approach closer but Bucky moved as trying to avoid him. It was hopless, because he could barely escape more than an inch, before feeling exhausted.

Cap raised his hand. „It's alright, I'm your friend, you know me Buck..."

A savage person that Steve saw, persuaded him not to push anymore. The big, bad Winter Soldier was just a battered man with fear in his eyes, as he was trapped and incapacitated among... friends.

So Capitan just stayed there, looking into oblivious friend's face.

„I'm not a man you once knew, I'm not there anymore... I looked for him and I've found a monster!" This time Bucky's voice was strong and almost desparate. His eyes as intense. This is what his friend was wating for.

He turned his head a bit and half-smiled. „Well, than we're going to tame that monster."

* * *

Almost four days later, a baffled doctor reported that Bucky is about 80% regerated and can easily leave the bed. His friend was there, awating that shallow creature.

He broke down earlier, hearing Bucky admitting he was not himself anymore... but on the next day, conversations with Sam and Tony gave him a new hope.

Today he hoped for the worse and the best, deciding not to let his spirit go low, not matter what.

* * *

James Barnes was sitting at the table in the main kitchen of Avenger's Tower. He was staring intensly into the furniture, tables, pots and pans, scanning surroundings for potential threats and ways of escape. So far they didn't hurt him, but it could be just a trick. He may have to escape, like the last time...

His face was worn out but colors came back to it and eyes weren't as dead as three nights ago. He felt better, no matter how bad his feelings were now. It felt cozy... just like at... home...

„Aaarrgh!"

A flashback tore through his brain with a force of a thunder.

„Bucky?!" New but familiar voice sounded next to his ear. It seemed to be real.

James took a deep, distorted breath, the same way he always did before wiping session. His both hands were shaking, as he slowly put them away from his head.

„Don't hurt me! I can't.. anymore!" He shouted, chasing away immediate urge to punch the person nearby.

„No.. no... No one is going to hurt you here." Said calm but a bit hasty voice.

A middle aged man awkwardly grabbed his left arm and seated him back on a chair. Bucky looked at his face. He maight seemed familair, but his memory was hazy. He was appearing here and there, although James knew that he never tried to kill him... he hoped for it...

„Tell me what happened?" Asked the man and stared at his face like an examiner."A flashback, yes?" He replied immediatelly to himself.

Bucky blinked, not feeling like speaking. He was not allowed to speak much... not by his own will.

„This may and will be happening, Bucky." Continued the man as if he was lecturing him. „Now... I programmed JARVIS to monitor your behaviour..."

Bucky sent him rather dirty look and the man froze for a second, although not losing his cockiness.

„.. before you TRY to kill me... Bucky, you should know this building is packed with very expensive equipment..." He accented with his finger pointed. James looked predatory as he could bite it off. „...and I'd be very grateful if you kept your violence only inside the training hall." He finished and glanced at Bucky's mouth, just in case.

James felt a bit more confident, now, experiencing how this little man was afraid of him. Not like the other targets, not like common HYDRA soldiers. It would be interesting... he relaxed and leaned his back agains the chair, laizily. Not looking away from Tony's face. Yes, he remembered now. Iron Man...

Tony kept his eyes alert and intense.

„I said something Bucky, don't give me that look. You are being watched... all the time." He pointed with his two fingers into his own eyes and Bucky's in a gesture.

Easy Buck... just breathe... James closed his eyelids, welcoming a wave of anger filling in his arms and chest, feeling trapped, feeling hopelessly... He bit his lip.

„Tony..."

„Yes?"

„Leave... leave now." Snarled Bucky, clenching his fists, his muscles tensed in less than a second.

„Thanks for the warning." Said Tony casually.

* * *

It was about 3 a.m. when a terrible, inhuman howling woke up Steve and about everyone a floor below. He flung the door open, the lights went on.

A curled up figure of a man was sitting in the corner of a nice, but very modestly decorated room.

(Tony wouldn't let for destruction of anything too expensive.)

Cry repeated and it devasted Capitan that his best friend was able to produce sounds of souls tormented in hell...

„Bucky!" He jumped to the hurting creature.

„Noooo!" Screamed James through the tears. A blast from the metal limb sent Capitan flying across the room.

The crack in the wall was of a size of Bucky's broken soul.

„Noooooo!" He repeated with scratchy voice, obvioulsy not aware of his surroundings, glassy eyes shooting left and right, looking for enemies in his own mind... his own past...

„Why do you do this?! I haven't done anything wrong! Zola!" Bucky whimpered a few Russian words. „Why did you... don't, don't put me in there!" He kept on pleading, with slight aggresiveness.

Steven's eyes became wet. Still hurting from a powerful punch across his chest, he limped slowly and bent over his friend, afraid to touch him.

„No... no, no, no..."

„Bucky..." Said Capitan after a few quiet seconds, when he was pulling his thoughts together. „James Buchanan Barnes! Wake up!" He shouted as if it was a command.

James flinched and his eyes changed from terrified to deeply hurt and confused. Steven sighed with relief. Bucky recognised him. His chest still pumping air crazily, he lifted himself and let his friend help with getting up.

James let himself to be settled on the messed up, sweaty bed. He was still trembelling. His long hair glued to his face. He hated that feeling but he wouldn't let anyone to cut it!

Steven sat next to him and silently put his arm across his friend.

Bucky closed his eyes and tried to breathe deeply and imagining a serene countryside, just as Tony tought him. It wasn't easy but it slowly worked.

Steve felt something and raised his head towards the door. The whole brigade was standing in the door. Even Hawkeye. Apparently he was too curious to see the new „specimen", as he told Steven yesterday...

A woman cleared her throat.

Bucky became alert.

A sleepy figure in a robe came into the room. Steven felt Bucky's back springing like a cat, but it let go fast.

„Bucky... We all... Bucky, here's a herbal tea I drink when I'm stressed out." She moved closer and handed Steve a mug with cartoonish figure of Capitan America on it.

„Here..." Steve carefully put the tea close to his stunned friend's mouth, just as when he was sick and too weak to hold anything. A shaky, metal hand grabbed the mug from the bottom, still held by the Capitan.

„It's with honey." Said tired Natasha and went back to the entrance.

He drank slowly... He's been feeling retch every once in a while but this warm liquid... was like the tasties thing he ever drank. He closed his eyes, enjoying relaxing wave from the bottom of his chest...

Steve was surprised how fast the tea disspeared from the mug. Bucky's body became limp. He swayed a bit.

„Thank... Thank you..." Murmured Winter Soldier, falling into deep, deep slumber.

Steven let him slip slowly onto the mattress, lifted his legs onto bed, covered him and quickly followed the rest.

He ran past Sam and Tony, to the shaggy figure in a robe. „We will need more of this tea, Natasha..."


	2. Group Therapy

„Sorry.. sorry about that..." Mumbled Bucky, bending over pieces of plates he just shoved off the table. He almost grabbed the biggest one of the shattered tableware if not a glimpse of the rest of the team. They were standing in full alert in a safe distance.

This time Thor was sending him a very dirty look, except with a big dose of his godly presence. Tony was frowning arrogantly. Natasha kept her guard, with sligtly more fear in her eyes than he would feel comfortable to see. He remebered what he did at the bridge.

There was no Steve with him, no one to protect him. So he just froze and stood there, looking at them with the most miserable eyes, not hiding anything, the same as Winter Soldier almost never did... Tony shrugged and sighed, catching a view of that raw face.

„One more incident like this and you shall be excluded..." Finally Thor decided to enter the situation. „Your soul is not yet healed fully, James Bucky Barnes." He finished the sentence with such a tone, that Bucky felt as being instructed by a true royality.

Bucky nodded his head. He exactly knew that, he knew that...

„I've been working hard to keep a mess of myself back together, haven't I?" He decided to be offensive. „It's not easy to live with blood of so many people on my hands!"

Silence.

„He's right." Sam's voice sounded from the other kitchen entrance. He walked in slowly, as if trying to dismantle gathering tension. „God help me if I know a right therpy for a soldier with 50 years of accumulating PTSD... brainwashing, conditioning and occasional memory wipes." He said it so casually that the rest of team felt a bit awkward.

But Tony just utteret quiet „Ha!"

Bucky wore his usual, neutral Winter Soldier face and sat down on a bar stool. He has to let them talk now.

„We've talked about this already, when he almost killed that innocent guy during Brooklyn mission!" Shouted Stark.

Bucky lowered his chin in shame.

„It was an easy task! Do you know how many strings I had to pull so our incident..." He made quotation marks with his fingers. „ ...wouldn't get to the public?!"

„Tony, this man will remain tormented because he killed so many innocent people. Dishonorable victory always brings a curse onto the warriors soul..."

Stark turned around on his heel, irritated. „Magic – shamgic talk! His brain needs a hard training for many more months, even years, to reverse the damage made by constant stress!"

Bucky moved anxiously on his chair. Opened his mouth and closed it, he just didn't fit in here, that was the case. They brought him here. He got cought because he completely neglected all his training, he was weak, let emotions take over.

He closed his eyes for a few seconds, listening to the discussion still pacing in the kitchen.

„... so what, you're going to give him your anti-stress teas to the end of the world?! Can you imagine how long him and Steve can live?! Two freak brothers with superpowers, one with brain damage!" He listened Stark getting really angry, in his typical „Stark- o -manner". Bucky had his own name for it. He smirked.

He suddenly felt air moving behind him. Yet, training still worked, but he was relieved when a need to grab the man behind him, never occured.

„Won't you say anything, Bucky? Speak for yourself?" Sam was standing so close that it felt intimate. James listened with focus and confusion... „You have to exercise speaking about your needs and feelings. HYDRA is a thing of a past now. Focus on presence." Whispered Sam in one breath.

„We cannot ignore Steven's intentions here..." Natasha continued towards Tony. „He has a huge potential."

„You say that but you're afraid of him the most..."

„Shut up, Tony!" A sudden scream put them back in the presence. Stark froze completely fabbergasted, out of his cockiness. They all looked at long-haired man. His eyes angry but fully consious. If they appeared glassy and lost, a sedative would be applied quicker than he would expect.

„You saved me, you put me back together, but all of this because of Steve." Said Soldier slowly, lifting his body on the bar stool. He was above everybody now. He could see the tajectory of knives that would kill Tony and Natasha, and then an easy and quick way out, away from Thor.

He once tried with Thor. Demi god enjoyed it a lot. Bucky was exhausted afterwards.

„I'm not a part of this team, and you all know it." His back muscles tensed. „Say goodbye to Steve."

He jumped above the granite kitchen table, bounced off, leaving a huge crack and dived towards the closest window. He slightly punched Tony in the face on the way, just to fuck with him. Window glass cracked, when he touched it with his metal arm, covering from shards.

It was very windy outside. He localized the closest ledge, that luckily was still there. Behind him, muffled screams filled the room.

„Son of a bitch!" Exclaimed Stark, holding his right cheek. He lurked down through the broken window, dark figure was just jumping from one ledge to the other.

„See, what you've done!" Shouted Natasha half-jokingly. „You were supposed to take care of him when Steve is out!"

„I'm not a former-assassin-sitter!"

„I'm going after him!" Thor was apparently happy of what just happened. He swung his hammer and the rest of the glass rattled when he rushed after escaping Bucky.

Sam just managed to recover from a shock. He approached Tony and Natasha, breathing quickly. His eyes looked odd. „If anyone is to blame... I just never met anyone like him. Steve will be pissed!"

Stark stepped on the glass and moved it with his foot. „Not if Thor will catch him. It's his hunting for Bucky now..."


	3. Bucky Escapes

He leaned towards a wall behind his back, somewhere in a remote alley. He rubbed his right shoulder with a grunt. It almost got dislocated while taking the last swing from the lowest windowsill outside. Of course, people saw him. Damn cell phones! He saw at least one person taping his descent, but what he would expect after such an emotionally spontaneous action?

He was outgunned, standard „civil" clothes provided by Stark were comfortable and sturdy but it was clear he was not allowed to carry any weapons, except for missions...

„_You're my mission!"_

James hissed, watching in his mind Steven's face being smashed to a bloody pulp. The notion of these confusion and anger moments, the second when the reality struck him and opened his eyes were almost as painful as memory wiping.

He couldn't give up now... Thor was somewhere there, surely enjoying himself with another hunt. Maybe demigod just allowed him to escape, to have more fun later... Bucky staggered and then sprinted towards closest subway station.

„How the hell?!" Shouted Steven, still wearing half of his Capitan America suit. He was considering leaving it on, since he heard the news about a spectacular escape of Bucky.

„What did I ask you for, Tony?!"

Tony was hovering around Capitan, trying to listen to him and ignoring him in his typical, arrogant manner.

„I'm not a babysitter..." He replied quietly. „He's an adult man... he can do what the hell he wants!"

Steve shrugged and sighed. „Unless he decides to do something really, really stupid..."

Stark stopped pretending to read something off of his hi-tech tablet and scowled a bit. „You may be a little right, Steve..." He sent him a cocky look. „But he's like you, he'll manage."

Steve frowned and then just nodded with resignation. „You and your big ego... you don't really care about anyone else... this is not a real team if you keep-"

„I'm just reading his position from a bug I installed in his metal arm..." Tony glanced at a clear picture on the tablet, showing a detialed map of New York. A red dot moving along one, straight line, pretty fast, even for Buck. Stark touched the map and swiped the screen at and angle, with a quick move. Cap walked closer, now observing 3D map of one subway tunnels.

„Our birdy took a train home?" He commented lightly. „This baby has ten - twenty mile range, depending on the surroundings. I'd have a 3D image of Bucky but a better bug would confilct with arm's mechianism, so I had to-"

Steve finally managed to shut his hanging jaw. How he could not think about it before? Stark would trust Bucky but he never trusted Winter Soldier.

He finnaly rushed from the spot. Tony flinched.

„Come on! We have to get him before Thor does!"

„I can't wait..." Muttered Stark.

Bucky stretched the baseball hat harder on his head. Stealing was never difficult for him, espcecially in so crowded places like subway. He lurked discretely at the end of the train, seeing how most of people around here was totally oblivious or distracted by... mobile phones. Absolute zero of concentration, he despised that.

No sign of Thor. He figured that god of Asgard wouldn't just easily belnd in. He wouldn't enter just like that. Buck cleared his throat and fixed jacket on himself. Any clothes different than his HYDRA mission suit seemed very odd every once in a while. That was the mildest side effect of brainwashing he experienced so far...

After about ten minutes, Bucky felt a bit sleepy himself. Monotone ride on line 3 somehow gave him an idea of adventure, a strange adventure. Finally he could sit steady, with no one bothering him, observe people as they were. So much has changed in the city... He vaguely remembered HYDRA lab to change every time they brough him out of the freezer... like a popsicle!

He snarled quietly and became immediatelly alert. He was in a closed space full of mostly innocent people, and he felt furious! Clenching his fists, Soldier started breathing deeper, concentrating on a point right in fron of him. In this case, it was some random, dark-skinned woman having a nap. He was so grateful she was asleep, his breath started remind him of a panic attack state he also experienced, not that long ago.

Seconds started stretching unberably. After an infinite time of keeping himself together he pushed through the crowd violently. A few sounds of pain, a few loud curses followed him, but he didn't care. With sweat going down his neck, he jumped out at the Central Park station.

Swaying a little, he walked deeper into the park, counting that greenery will calm him down. Cursing his terrible condition, he almost wished to have another agonizing memory-wiping session; this machine kept him together through all these years. Now, his brain could not bare the reality, it was not used to so much new information, no mission.

„Bucky!" A worried voice reached him from behind. He quivered but decided to start a run. Speeding as fast as he could, he was close to reaching a wall of trees. It was better than nothing, but now it seemed like a stupid idea... some uncomfortable thought appeared in his mind, just to hide back in panic.

A dull pain at the back of his head. He landed on the grass. The world whirled for a moment. He quickly pushed himself up but another force pinned him to the ground. And another force held his left arm harder.

„Buck! Why you keep on doing this?!" Cried out Steve, pushing him down whit his bodyweight.

„Yeah, why Bucky?!" Repeated bored voice of Iron Man.

James involuntarily jerked his metal arm, but it withdrew under a pressure of two vice-like grabs. „Don't fight it. I have four metal limbs, NOT made in Russia..." Added Tony.

Soldier just grunted hopelessly, he had to do something. An uncomfortbale thought showed up again, clealry in his mind.

„Bucky... please..." Said Steven with gentle voice. „We can solve this peacfully or a hard way." James felt there is no discussion with him. „Sedative is ready..." He added.

„Damn you!" Screamed Bucky. „I just need some..." He growled and took a deep breath.

„Calm down Buck..." Steve tried to be his best friend, like in the old days.

„I want my life back! But I have no life to come back for..." He uttered with desperation.

He managed to notice a few people staring at them cautiously. Runners were stopping to take a look, whole families with dogs were pulling out phones.

„Dammit! Let me go! I'll stay."

„You promise?" Asked Cap.

„Promise!"

Steven nodded on Iron Man and they let him go on three. Winter Soldier slipped out of their grabs like an eel. Bucky's agility gave Tony an eerie feeling. Right.

A quick fist landed on his helmet faster than he expected. A powerful punch repeated twice more times with unpleasant cracks and interface distortions. JARVIS communictated about a medium damage of the frontal helmet part.

„That's for messing with my arm!" Screamed savagely Buck.

People around stirred. Someone decided to call the police.

Everything calmed when Capitan America held a long-haired brawler by his right arm.

The Soldier managed to free himself. He sprung around when Iron Man's fist landed on his face. He faltered. Iron Man threw the man on his shoulder. Capitan assited.

„We're going home, Buck." He saluted to his dazed friend.

Tony Stark flew in the air as quickly as possible, counting that Bucky won't try to free himself while gliding high over Central Park. Catching that sneaky asshole in the mid-air wouldn't be fun.


	4. Fun For Bucky

After being dumped onto a luxurious sofa, Bucky remianed still for a few minutes with his eyes closed. First class pillows were comfortable beyond belief.

He knew that his body will regenerate pretty quick, but it was his hurting pride that would need more treatment.

„What happened?" He heard Natasha inquiring Tony with concerned voice. She usually wasn't so caring about himself, Bucky though.

„We had a quick round of a bar fight in Central Park, that happened. You know, manly honor and bullshit like that... a of course he lost and I was forced to drag this sissy ass home... you can watch our brawl on YouTube by now. I'm preety sure of that..." Tony sounded tired but not irritated anymore.

Bucky heard a snort and then Natasha exploded with laugh so loud, he opened his eyes.

„And he puked on me while flying... I thought he was also a trained pilot!" Added Iron Man, while ex-Russian agent kept on giggling hard.

„Nice black eye." Natasha commented teasingly on Tony's looks.

Bucky was sitting back to them, facing a wide hall with a huge, glass terrace opening in front of him. His eyes felt weirdly emotionless... he was just trying to put everything back in his head. But everything he had was a fregmented memory of his past lives, countless people he killed, a vauge remembrance of Steve and maybe an option of revenge on HYDRA remians... that was not exactly what he really wanted. A mess to clean up...

He felt his stomach turning inside out again and willingly or not, he bent abruptly with a grunt, to soil yet another carpet in expensive Avengers' Tower.

„Oh shit! Bucky!" Called the woman.

* * *

A limp figure was resting on a bed on the other side of a dim room. Steven approached it slowly, seeing that the man is turned to the wall. Dark hair that he never though Bucky would accept as his hairdo... shiny, metal arm that behaved like his natural part, as if he was born with it...

His chest was going up and down slowly, but not slow enough as in a sleep.

„Bucky..." Cap whispered, hating how many times he had to start a conversation with his best friend like that, like they were former enemies...

„Leave me alone..." He heard a weary voice.

„I came here to talk." He replied but it sounded more like a statement.

„We've talked enough." Said Buck, not even moving for an inch.

„Buck, I can't leave you like that... you're my friend." He quetly sat on a chair next to the bed. He glanced at a few bottles of medicines recommended by the doctor. He was sure James never took them, he was too stubborn.

„That's great Steve..." The figure fixed itself on a side but stayed turned back. „But I'm not your friend anymore, not like you'd like it to be. I'm a murderer. Not a soldier who happens to kill, I'm a full-time pro, as you say..."

„Bucky! You were used against your will. Tortured! No one blames you for anything... including the goverment. At least... the majority convinced by Tony's influences..."

Former assasin burst with a short laugh. „They kept me because I may appear useful for something that people like you wouldn't..."

„I'm not letting anyone else to use you, Buck!" Steve leaned towards his friend, forgetting about comforts of the chair, he kneeled next to the bed, not caring how ridiculous it could be. „Sam told you how it could feel. You're not a slave anymore!"

„I need some peace and quiet Steve... I tried to be optimistic but nothing is familiar, even you... it's been a while..." Bucky's voice seemed more lively, however it had a depressing note.

„...you saved my life..." Uttered Steve almost straight to his friend's ear.

„I'd do it again. But it doesn't change everything else that came back to me."

Capitan remined quiet, forcing himself to stay neutral to what he just heard. He frowned, slowly sitting back on the chair...

„Dammit, I'd give everything for a cold beer right now... but I feels like a truck punched me in the guts. Twice..." Mumbled Bucky suddenly.

Steven felt happiness raising in his heart. That sounded too much familiar. „We'll organize something, Buck. Take your medicines and be a good boy, for once!"

„Fuck you, Steve."

* * *

Buck kept on sitting on a pink beanine bag (luxurious version) trying to grasp amazing new sounds he's never heard before. He had a few beers already but they felt like lemonade, exactly like for Steve.

James squinted harder and asked, still staring at the giant TV screen: „So, what is this called?"

„Dubstep." Replied Stark with voice raised, he had to be hearable through pounding bass drops, but he forgot that both Steve and Bucky could hear him without any problems.

„Dubstep..." Repeated Bucky, and seeped some more beer. „It's weird, but I like it..."He smirked. „It feels somewhat familiar..."

„Whatever you say, buddy!" Smiled Steve and stretched his hand to make a toast with James. „For the old and new times!"

Bucky was reluctant for a moment, he remebered more of the bad times than anything else.

„So people actually dance to that... noise?" He asked again, looking at a recording of some big show, with lasers and lights that could make him nauseous if not being a super-soldier.

„Oh yes! And they pay lots of money to be able to do that!" Acknowledged Tony, taking another drink. It was stornger than he gave to the boys...

„I feel like this world is made of things that I've always knew and things that just... pop up out of fuckin nowhere!" He shook his head and smiled.

„Hey, you've been present at least twenty something times outside! You saw things!" Said Steven.

„Yeah... But I can't recall having a mission at a party..."

„Disco!" Corrected Tony.

„Disco... I'm a reusable popsicle! And you're just a one time freeze!" Laughed James. He haven't laughed like that for... over seventy years?

„Good one, Buck!" Commented Tony and took a deep gulp of his high-proof liquer. This time a bottle seemed appropriate.

Lights from the screen and climatic LEDs blinking all around kept on pulling him into a right kind of mood, where anyone could be his friend. Even these two super-model geriatrics.

„Oh, shut up!" Smirked Steve.

„Hey boys, you should try something better!" Shouted Stark, approaching super-soldiers sitting on stylish beanie bags. „JARVIS! Bring me Everclear and … the special Whisky!" He bent with an effort towards the glass table between them.

They both looked at him with curiosity. He'd swear he never ever saw them in such a good mood before. Not mentioning former assassin's face that changed almost beyond recognition. His eyes sparkled with a new hope and whole face seemed to glow.

Tony blinked and shrugged... maybe it were just dubstepish lights and wub wubs taking his brain apart.

„JARVIS! Play more Skrillex!" He ordered with a slurr when music stopped.

„Skrillex?!" Bucky scowled. „It sounds like a name for exotic queer bar!" He giggled after a sip of everlast. Finally he could feel something.

„Bucky!" Steve sent him a disapproving look.

„Hey! Don't deny you've never been to one! I remebered where we used to live..."

* * *

Slightly worn out, Winter Soldier stepped out of a shower. There must have been something special about himself, as he could get drunk much easier than Steven. His friend became jealous. Maybe lack of one arm helped alcohol work better...

He wiped water drops off his eyebrows, holding a towel hanging across his waist. He sighed, ready to go to sleep, hoping nightmares wouldn't come back this time.

He was too tired mentally to bother with putting on shorts, he decided to jump into bed naked. After rubbing off enough his wet body, he ditched the towel and sprinted to the bed.

„Hello Bucky." Said woman's voice in the dark.

He flinched and froze on the bed, not bothering with his nudity. It was partially dark.

„N-Natasha?!" He regained self-confidence and quickly covered his private parts with bedsheet.

Not sure what to think about this situation, he stayed in his position, ready to fight, if necessary... But they were on peaceful terms, or at least neutral. And she saw him puking today, like an awful slob that he was.

„What.. what are you doing here?" He asked unsure of her intentions. But he could feel a tension, something very familiar coming. Something he though he have lost...

She walked towards him with her usual, casual step. He could see better now, at least she wasn't naked, but maybe her suit was a bit tighter and shiny than combat one.

He sighed deeply, realizing what's going on here.

„Aren't you afraid?" All that was let to ask.

She sat next to him and grabbed his tigh as if it beloned to her. He twitched, his lips partially open.

„I like bad boys... Bucky..."

His heart started beating faster, giving him dizziness... it's been ages since...

What a humiliation, intimidated by a woman it the dark... she stayed like this for a few seconds.

Bucky's head could not get around these circumstances. His heart steadied eventually.

But then he grunted when her lips barely grazed his without a warning. He could not fight a notion coming from the very bottom of his being. Not when she kept on stroking him like that. It's been so long!

„Natasha... what about Clint?" He tried desperate rescue for the last time.

„Clint will kill you if you hurt me..." She replied fortright. „But he's not here now..."


	5. Through the Night

**I'd like to thank all the Readers so far. This story started from just a few chapters in „Bucky is Back" but developed really from a one-shot „Bucky in a Bar". **

**I really like to thank one (Guest) reviewer, as for today. The message is encouraging and this whole fanfic writing becomes serious all the sudden ;p**

**Well, enjoy and hopefully, review the story one day! I read all the comments.**

„No..." A whispering plea left his lips.

He saw a small cloud of vapour flying up from his mouth. Was it that cold? His vision was foggy, so he wanted to lift himself but the body felt stiff and restrained.

A sharp flash of panic pierced his chest. He growled with despair. He wasn't in the bed anymore. The surface under his back was hard and metal-cold.

„...subject needs a higher dose of thiopental..." A bodiless voice said that coldly, as if James wasn't there.

He started breathing rapidly, recognizing the voice, this table hurting his back and the name of the drug. The damn drug!

He jerked once more. No use!

Lights around became clearer and he noticed a familiar, medical lamp hanging over him. He froze in shock, staring into it, despite blinding light. Slightly open lips trembling. He shot his eyes and head around, trying to see anything more.

There were sickly greenish walls, some hardware giving him a nauseous stomach wrench and a few people... too fuzzy to distinguish, but they were present, just next to him. Walking around, talking in emotionless manner, giving him frightened looks and commenting on him quietly...

Bottomless terror entered his heart. How they got him back?! How did it happen?! Was he ever back with Steve?

Another scream left him, as he struggled with metal clamps holding his body. They just kept on biting his flesh.

„Ah... Bucky, you woke up!" Doctor Zola showed up next to him out of nowhere. He could see him crystal clear, just as the first time they met in that lab...

Bucky cringed, not believing his own eyes, his own brain. But he had to keep himself together, just for a few moments before he melts down, stripped off his better life.

„Zola..." He wheezed. „You are dead."

Bluff scientist just smiled as Bucky was his pet. „Oh, Bucky... you had your fun, but we have to say bye-bye to your new friends." He said happily with rough accent.

„Zola... You're dead!" Uttered James, flexing his muscles. If he could only break loose the left arm...

„Oh, be a good soldier... you don't want to disappoint HYDRA..." Continued his doctor, pulling the table as his voice and face became darker over him. „You are the project of my life... but others are much more rigorous on your behaviour..."

The table stopped and Bucky heard a terrifying noise of the memory-wipe machine, running a warm up. This repeatable, electromagnetic noise incrusted in his brain after the first time. Now he knew why he kept on panicking every time, even though he wouldn't remember what the machine was.

But now, awareness of everything he was supposed to lose broke down into tears.

He snarled when his neck got locked in place, a needle pierced his right arm and the inevitable roar of electricity started closing in from both sides of his head... exactly as he remembered.

„Bye-bye Bucky... soon you'll be free again!" Muffled voice of the psychopathic scientist was the last thing before he started screaming his lungs out. There was one thing he forgot, he forgot excruciating pain of his living brain being burned down.

A dark contour of a female flashed through brightness tearing his vision. Her hair was red like fire. He was paralyzed with pain, not able to scream anymore but he wanted to know, to ask who the hell she was.

A familiar face blinked in front of his. She was an assassin. A mute question left his eyes. She smiled like a wild animal. He saw a knife in her hand. She raised it, staring into him.

„Goodbye, soldier..."

Fear.

„Hey! Buddy! Wake up!" A mild call to get up.

Bucky opened his eyes and to his huge relief, he was still lying in the same bed as yesterday. He felt shaken up and his eyelids itched.

He took a few deep breaths, feeling that this part is definitely real. „S-Steve?" He asked, wincing at his friend, while light of the day was pouring through the only window.

„Bucky, you've drunk more than you can remember, huh?" Asked Capitan with encouragement.

„I-I had a pretty bad dream..." He said sadly, looking down. He just recalled going to bed naked... and a very pleasant thing that met him in this very bed. A barely visible wave of emotions flew through his weary face.

„Again..." Steve sent him empathetic look.

„This was the most disturbing thing I've dreamed about so far..." He had to be honest. Not hide anything, as Sam recommended. Even if it was painful. And it was.

He pulled the sheets higher, afraid to look naked.

Natasha must have left early, like a real secret agent.

„Tell me." His friend was ready.

„I was back in the lab... with Zola." His voice became raw, as if not himself was speaking. He looked away from Steven. The walls of this room and everything in it was so different, so comfy and reassuring.

„What did he do?" Continued Steven, he knew, every dream was important for full recovery of his friend.

„Well... I was tied down to this metal table, that I remember very good... the lamp above me, the shade of lab walls." He paused and a grimace of suffering showed on his face. „He was talking to me like I was an animal... To say goodbye to my life...„ His voice broke down a bit. „I had these dreams before, I was scared as shit, I felt confused beyond belief. But this time, Steve, it was worse than everything else because I knew about life with you guys. I knew what I was going to lose. I remembered that Zola was long dead and he knew about it."

Bucky stopped and pulled his knees to his chest. His mind protested to say anything more. The nightmare started slowly fading away, although raw emotions still resided inside.

Steve's blue eyes turned dark. He seemed to be drifting in his own nightmare, maybe deeper than what Bucky just described. A few seconds past, with two men staring blankly at the floor.

Finally, Capitan shook up. „We have a lot of work to do on you, Buck." He pat his friend on the organic arm. „I just came to tell you that it's late... and if you hurry you can still get some breakfast. Natasha made great pancakes!"

Bucky almost choked. „Natasha?! Pancakes?"

„Yeah! I didn't know she could cook! She is in great mood today. I can't recognize her!" Smiled Steve and walked out.

Stunned James stayed frozen in bed for a few seconds more, frantically trying to decide which was the most traumatic experience last night.

A vague memories of sex just started topping out from beneath the nightmare.

There was certainly some sex involved and as far as he could guess, it was the most pleasant thing... since the last sex he had almost 80 years ago? And he must have performed well, if it earned everyone pancakes...

Finally, he got up to have a quick shower. Smell of sex and sweat surrounded him like a fog.


	6. Pancake Harassment

Freshly showered Bucky strolled into the kitchen, ready to eat any pancakes that Nat prepeared. He didn't even bother to shave. Stubble made him look rough but slightly less lethal.

Steven was right, he was almost late. Only Sam stayed at the granite table, replaced after he dented the previous one not long ago, while taking a leap through the window. It was also fixed with new glass.

Falcon sat so he was facing the entrance. He raised his eyes from above a magazine he was reading. His eyes were welcoming but a tad concerned.

Bucky just nodded with a cautious smile. The Soldier wanted to be sure that no one here will suspect him of trying to escape by breaking glass again.

Natasha was doing something by the sink and she might have pretended she didn't notice him. But it wasn't true. And he could see she was really content, she was radiating. Slightly anxious about social consequences of sleeping with her, he stopped by the table and stood there, just like during sniper missions. He could stay in one spot for hours and this ability became his second nature. Just like killing his targets.

But this time it was about his personal life, that he never had.

"Hey Buck." She said totally casual, without even a trace of tension. She was just cheerful, but anyone could have a batter day, just like that. "We still have some pancakes left. I made a lot." She looked at a large plate in the middle of the table. It smelled delicious. Just like... at home.

He felt a sudden tension, as his memory sent him a flash of delightful body he mingled with last night. It wasn't much. His memory was still shaky and the nightmare almost erased any previous pleasures from his brain. But it was there, a deep, orgasmic feeling that they shared. A notion of closeness that remined him he was an alien in his world...

He felt his knees getting soft and so he blinked and shook his head to chase away the weakness.

"Bucky?!" Asked Natasha and stopped peeling an apple.

And then he saw a view from his old house, light splitting on a craked window they couldn't afford to fix. Noises of other kids from the neighbourhood echoed in his head... a nasty bully that he always had to chase away to protect Steve from trouble.

"Buck!" He heard Sam's voice.

Soldier staggered and slowly slipped to the floor next to the chair he kept on holding. Suddenly there was no wave of pleasure, there was chaos and a feeling of a tremendous loss.

He hid his face in both hands. Metal nicely cooled his burning forhead.

"Hey, buddy... we're here. Everything is alright. You're still with us." Sam kept on reasurring him, Nat was sitting on the other side. It felt like a trap. An old pattern in his mind told him to neutralize enemies flanking him. It was so intense, he closed his body tighter, because he had no window to speak. They could be dead before he uttered a word.

James kept his eyes closed and continued breathing hard, letting the wave of feelings tumble through him. He couldn't say how much time passed by, after he realized the sea is calmer.

He heard water running and Natasha came back to him. "Hey, Buck, have a sip." He opened his eyes and saw a friendly face offering a glass of water. Exactly like that time she brought him this appetizing herbal tea, that he drank a few times already.

"Thank you..." He replied, looking in her eyes with a mixtuire of fear and fascination. He still thought that they shouldn't have done that. It was dangerous. He also thought how good that both of his "friends" were still alive, being so close.

Bucky kept on eating pancakes, as if it was the first meal in a week. They were delicious, he added lots of strawberry sauce. Red stains on his plate played awkwardly with random memories of bloodstains under his feet, on his hands and chest. He felt it was mostly not his blood.

He just sighed and took another bite, chasing away these thoughts, because he knew they will be coming back, maybe even more vivid. He knew he just had to let them come and go.

He remebered well how he liked throwing knives, knives were his favourite white weapon and HYDRA let him choose very early, whatever he preferred for close take-downs. Maybe these abilities... he was sure these crazy skills will be useful again. HYDRA wasn't dead. They'd have to cut off all the heads... more like rip up the mosnter and take out the heart.

He froze for a second with a terror in his eyes and a pancake in his mouth; there was a vague feeling that he might have done atrocieties like that as well.

He chewed hard. Bloody red sauce smeared around his lips.

"What?! You did what!?" Samuel couldn't believe Natasha's revelations.

"I couldn't stop myself... Have you seen him?!" She tried to explain herself but she realized so very well, that she was kind of stupid and naive.

"Natasha!" Sam shouted with his eyes wide open and toned down immediatelly, Buck could have heard them. "This guy is STILL unstable... he's a walking PTSD nightmare!"

She rolled her eyes. "He wasn't complaining."

"Of course he wasn't! Look at yourself!" Sam smirked and she sent him a sparkle in her glance. But the therapist came back to a serious tone. "Anything too close to home and he may go rouge. Stupid pancakes made him curl on the floor..." He raised his eyes on her, piercing. "You were so lucky! He could have killed you... he tried to kill you earlier! Don't molest him anymore. And especially, I don't want Clint to go onto Bucky. Bucky from now on is a holy monk in a post-traumatic stress! Are we clear?!" He finished, he was so intesne that his breath became loud.

"We're clear." She replied. She knew from the beginning it was a bad, bad idea. A few bruises on her side proved that the metal hand was dangerous in any circumstances. She loved risk; however, this was playing with safety of the whole team. A prick of guilt stabbed her heart.

"This will be our secret..." Said Sam firmly and shook his head in disbelief. "The last thing we need here is a friggin love affair drama. Keep it togehter, Nat."

In the evening, Thor finally showed up. He was gone since he allegedly went after Bucky while his brash escape.

The Soldier just came back from a heavy training he had to apply to himself. He stretched with a random book on a sofa in the main hall. Everything felt a bit calmer and normal after four hours of exhausting exercises that would put a normal person in a hospital.

There was no one else in the room, when a tall figure entered through the balcony. Bucky felt slightly anxious, but he was the only one to welcome him.

"Hey, hello Thor." He nodded, putting the book on a pillow.

"Welcome James Bucky Barnes!" Smiled god of Asgard, still holding his hammer. Bucky swallowed, reminding himself of being hit in the butt by this divine tool. He couldn't walk properly for six hours afterwards.

"Where is the team? I have important news!" Continued Thor, entering the hall.

"I... I have no idea." Bucky shrugged, feeling like a normal, lost person that he sometimes used to be in his pre-HYDRA life.

"JARVIS!" Boomed mighty call.

YES, THOR?

Sounded a digitalized voice that reminded Bucky that ideed, he was watched here... just like Stark said.

"Call in the team! Urgent matter!"

COULD YOU TELL ME THE EXACT REASON? MISTER STARK IS AT AN IMPORTANT MEETING RIGHT-

"Shut up machine! Call in the meeting now!" Thor's expression looked impatient and excited.

Bucky turned his head slightly. That probably had something to do with investigation on HYDRA, that he wasn't really allowed to take part in. Maybe not, until now?


End file.
